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Insanity of the clones(made by Bloody, trager & Lora)

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trager

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Det er faktisk ik så overraskende klon, typisk fra sådan noget mærkelige insanity'er kommer fra :wink:

Ja rart at den er blevet færdig, så står der en mindre på listen over "endnu ikke færdiggjorde ff'er"  :-P
"The Empire or Us - there is no compromise. Biggs Darklighter, Wedge Antilles, Jek Porkins." I Jedi

We're Clone Squadron. FanFic is our stock in trade and insanity is what we deliver.

Leia Skywalker

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Se, se, en ny insanity! 8-)

Title: A fishy tale
Authors: Lora(klon85) & Gina(klon85-A)
Disclaimer: We don't own starwars, but if we did... *sigh* Well, only the craziness in this is ours everything else belong to GL.
Note: This was made through skype and msn. No kidding. My mind was blank for words, so got Gina to write what should be, until she had to go and I(Lora) completed it. (Gina got to beta). ;)


Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were walking down a skywalk on Coruscant, when Obi-Wan suddenly realized that Qui-Gon had stopped.
“Master?”
Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan with a small smile playing on his lips. “I know just the place to have lunch, Padawan,” he said as he started for a small cantina. He knew that his padawan was always hungry, and he was curious to see how see how his apprentice would react to this.
They entered a crowded, dimly lit room, and Qui-Gon spotted a table in the far corner with a good view of the rest of the occupants.

Once they were seated they picked up the menu. As Obi-Wan perused it he discovered that all the dishes included fish. He slowly looked up and took in the decoration. All of it was fishy.
“I didn't know we were at Mon Cal, Master,” he commented dryly.
Qui-Gon just smiled his little smile and went back to perusing the menu.
“Raw fish, boiled fish, fried fish – is there anything NOT containing fish?” Obi-Wan asked.
Qui-Gon chuckled. “No, this is, quite obviously, a fish restaurant.”
Obi-Wan shot him a sharp glance. “I figured as much.”
Qui-Gon looked carefully through the menu and after a while he chose a dish. Obi-Wan on the other hand, ended up closing eyes and drawing his finger up and down randomly, finally settling on something. They waited for their lunch in comfortable silence, just enjoying each others company.

Qui-Gon's dish came first, consisting of several delicious pieces of well-prepared fish. A moment later Obi-Wan's dish arrived. He eyed it suspiciously.
It was a huge fish, still whole, including what must a have been the tail and something resembling a head. At least it had two very ugly eyes. Worst of all, it was still...
“Master, is it supposed to be wriggling?”
Qui-Gon looked up from his plate. “That must be your imagination, Padawan.”
Obi-Wan stared intensely at the creature he was supposed to eat.
Hey-loie dere, eater!
Obi-Wan pushed himself backwards staring at the plate in shock. “It spoke!!!”
Aff-cause mesa speekin – wadda yousa tink, dat mesa dead?
The padawan's jaw dropped.
“Obi-Wan close your month; it's not good manners to drool over your food like that.” Qui-Gon hid his grin by taking a huge bite of his own food.
“Master, it spoke! The – thing – spoke to me! The thing spoke!!”
Mesa noo beein a tiing! Mesa tinken yousa beein wery wude! Yousa spake 'tiing' of mesa!
“Erm... Sorry.” Obi-Wan looked at Qui-Gon. “Master, now I'm speaking WITH it...!”
Qui-Gon didn't reply, he seemed to be totally absorbed in consuming his lunch.
“Master, did you hear what I said? It's talking to me!”
“Then you shouldn't be rude, Padawan. Reply to it.”
Obi-Wan stared at his master in disbelief.
Are yousa dere?” The fish flapped it's tail and blinked.
Obi-Wan blinked. He just couldn't believe a fish was talking to him! A fish that was supposed to be dead. Wasn't it? “Erm, yeah... I'm here...” He looked around quickly making sure no one was looking. “So... You have name or something?”
Mesa called Fisk. Mesa called Flad Fisk.
“Flad Fisk.” Obi-Wan tried to pronounce the strange word; Flad. It felt funny.
And whosa are yousa?
“Er, Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Obi-Wan felt really strange talking to a fish. He looked back up at Qui-Gon, who seemed to have eaten most of his dish by now. “Master?”
“Yes, Obi-Wan?”
“I wondered if we could leave?”
“Why, is that, Padawan?”
“The fi... Flad Fisk, is talking to me and I'm NOT going to eat a fish I know the name of,” Obi-Wan said as calmly as possible.
“I've never heard you decline food before, Padawan.” Qui-Gon studied the boy.
“I haven't declined food, but this has nothing to do with food! Master, the 'fish' is alive and speaking to me!” Sending his Master a look of pure disgust at the thought, he added: “ And he even has a name!”
“All beings have a name, Padawan.”
“This isn't the name for the species; it's his.”
Are yousa gonna eatin mesa?
Obi-Wan looked down at the fish. “Er, no. Don't think so.” He gently pushed his plate away a little.
Twank da Force! Yousa are a grate person, Obi-Wan,” Flad Fisk said happily.
“Obi-Wan, eat up. It's not good manners to leave your plate full.”

Obi-Wan found this being more and more surreal. Flad Fisk was now pleading with him not to be eaten in that strange accent, while Qui-Gon was lecturing him about leaving food, when so many people had to go to bed without dinner. This really wasn't making sense. Master Qui-Gon wasn't like this.
“Master, you're not making sense! Why, do you want me to eat a talking fish?”
“Padawan, you're being rude. Now eat your food.”
“No, I won't. I just won't, Master.”
Qui-Gon looked at him sharply. “Obi-Wan, eat your food. That is an order.”
“With all due respect, Master, no.” Obi-Wan crossed his arms in silent protest.

Suddenly Qui-Gon stood up looking like a thundercloud. “Padawan, eat the fish!”
Obi-Wan stayed seated, though he now felt somewhat intimidated. “No.”
Qui-Gon looked as though he was going to go dark, and the sky outside darkened with his temper. Obi-Wan stared at his Master positively scared by now, but standing his ground. He would save Flad Fisk even if it meant defying his Master.

All of a sudden Qui-Gon broke into a big grin, strode around the table and hugged Obi-Wan, who was totally perplexed. “Congratulations, Padawan! You have passed the test.” Qui-Gon's smile could not be mistaken.
“The test?” Obi-Wan said with confusion.
“Yes, Padawan. You have shown yourself willing to always stand up for those who can not fight for themselves and preserve life.” Qui-Gon smiled proudly. “I am proud to have you as my padawan.”
Obi-Wan smiled now. It had been a test. A pretty weird test, but at least it had only been a test.
“Come, Padawan, it's time to leave now, I think.”
Obi-Wan was just about to walk away when he heard a distinct voice behind him.
Yousa leaving mesa 'ere? Mai skin is doin murder to mesa!
Obi-Wan looked back at Flad Fisk. “No, off course not.” Obi-Wan walked back, lifted the slimy fish up and walked over to the aquarium and put Flad in it.
Twank yuu, mister. Yousa beein a wery good person!
Obi-Wan shook his head lightly as they walked out of the restaurant and thought about what food they would get back at the temple. He was really hungry now.

“Finally! I could eat a bantha by now!” Obi-Wan exclaimed as Qui-Gon came with food.
Qui-Gon sat down opposite Obi-Wan and put the plates on the table. “Enjoy padawan,” he said with a little smile. Obi-Wan stared. It was fish.
Senest Redigeret: 14-05-2009, 09:18:21 af Leia Skywalker

"We are Clone Squadron. Fanfic is our stock in trade, and Insanity is what we deliver." Reporter og initiativtager til WC - Wookiee Channel. "Med Livet Som Indsats!"
“What about the time we got drunk and you persuaded me to help you decorate the hull of the ‘Wild Karrde’ with Hutt swear-words?"

Tionne

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 :-D.. Great work!  :-D
 

Luminara

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Fisk fisk fisk! :lol: Og så en lille en fra mig... ;)

Title: How to make a snow clearing machine useful in a desert…
Authors: Lumi(klon92)
Characters: A young imperial officier, three snow clearing machines, lots of stormtroopers and a monster. :wink:
Note: Lumi suddently awakes in a history class, with this weird image in her head, because the guy next to her suddently started to talk about the law that says that a snow clearing machine is standart equipment in any danish war... oh, and approved by the clone triumvirate.

 According to The Imperial Law §63, section 32, any Imperial Force invading a non-imperial planet or solar system, are automatically granted the aid of different technical vehicles and equipments. But, to ensure that the different operations should proceed without any problems, this is not only approved material – it is strictly required to possess, in order to take over any irritating planet.
 In the belly of a standard stardestroyer on an invading mission ought to be: lots of TIE-fighters, loads of TIE-bombers, a couple of AT-STs, if appreciated by the high council an AT-AT can also be approved, fifty swoop speeders, thirty stationary laser rifles (the nasty kind), two hundred solar-powered snow beacons, four dewbacks in comfortable flightcases with plenty of room for them to walk around, seven mobile waste containers to ensure that foreign planets’ potentionally vulnerable nature and biological systems are not harmed, two submarines and finally: three snow clearing machines.

Captain Ayo Sanders was a very proud young officer. He was on his first mission as an imperial squad commander, and he was given the responsibility of a whole division! When he first heard of Blenjeel he thought he might be a finally discovered military genius, since he, all on his own, was given the control of his OWN unit with TEN stormtroopers to command!
 The grand moff of the outer rims had long thought about conquering the small wasteland-planet of Blenjeel, and now Captain Ayo Sanders was on the mission. Okay, there were ten other officiers above him – actually, his unit was the smallest and (according to what he had heard) the second least important unit (the least important was the “Emperor’s Desert Submarine Squad”), but he was still the leader of it, and he would bring glory to the Empire!
 Really Sanders knew nothing: he didn’t know that Blenjeel was a desert planet… and he didn’t know, that the admiral of the whole mission had placed Sanders in his position to keep his incompetence far away from the real battle, and had placed him as the leader of the recently founded “Emperor Palpatine’s Imperial Invading Snow Clearing Desert Force Alpha” – or just ‘the EPIISCDFA’.

 Sanders finally faced his hopeless position, when one of the snow clearing machines got stuck in a dune. He slammed his hand against his helmet, and wanted to shout something to his troopers. But, they all lay on top of the stranded snow clearing machine, enjoying the sunshine.
 “You useless cowards! Look what has happened to the Emperor’s snow clearing machine!” he shouted in his fury.
 With a loud sigh, one of the soldiers answered: “But it’s too stuck! We’ve tried to dig it out for three hours now, but new sand just keeps running back to where we are digging.” He shook his head, and laid himself back onto the roof of the vehicle. “And besides, the force is now several miles ahead – we’ll never catch up anyway.”
 “Goddamnit…” Sanders crawled into one of the others, that was not (very much) stuck. “And according to that stupid invasion material law, we can’t leave the Emperor’s snow clearing machine behind… We must…”
 He was interrupted by a loud roar. Suddenly, Sanders saw a big imperial force come running across the dunes in the horizon. They seemed like they were in a hurry, and as they came closer, he could hear that they were yelling something about a beast. And then the sand monster appeared. A huge worm jumped out of the dunes and ate a handful of the swoop unit. The other troopers tried to shoot at the monster, but it just ignored their shots and dived into the sand again to pursue the other stormtroopers.
 Finally the terrified troopers reached Sanders’ position.
 “Hurry! Get away! The beast will eat you!” the incoming troopers shouted at Sanders and his squad.
 But Sanders dramatically rose from where he had been sitting in his gloomy mood, finally facing his opportunity to be brave: “I will not betray the Emperor, and leave his snow clearing machines behind! If that beast wants to eat them, he will have to eat me too!”
 The rest of his squad was not quite as eager to protect the imperial snow clearing machines, and ran away with the rest of the army. But Sanders bravely stood his ground, waiting for the approaching beast!
 Moments later the huge animal appeared from a dune, not very far from the stuck snow clearing machine. It hissed in anger, and dived to catch what seemed to be a nice breakfast. But the moment it opened its’ huge maw to swallow the snow clearing machine, it realized its’ mistake. But too late. ‘Cause the imperial snow clearing machine’s razor sharp imperial snow clearing blades cut the beast so it lost control, and it got choked by the snow clearing machine.
 And Sanders watched it all from the roof of the other snow clearing machine, in his pride and glory!

 From that day forth, Sanders was a very proud and famous leader of the EPIISCDFA, and lots of young stormtroopers wanted very badly to join his crew – and he lived happily ever after, until he and his squad got bombed by some stupid pilot from the infamous Rouge Squadron.

FIN
Senest Redigeret: 14-05-2009, 06:59:55 af Luminara
Why kill people, who kills people, to show people, that killing people is wrong?

"We are Clone Squadron. Fanfic is our stock in trade, Insanity is what we deliver." -Klon92

Leia Skywalker

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haha! :lol: Jeg var flad af grin over den her. Genialt, klon! :-D

Især den der umuligt lange forkortelse: EPIISCDFA

"We are Clone Squadron. Fanfic is our stock in trade, and Insanity is what we deliver." Reporter og initiativtager til WC - Wookiee Channel. "Med Livet Som Indsats!"
“What about the time we got drunk and you persuaded me to help you decorate the hull of the ‘Wild Karrde’ with Hutt swear-words?"

Leia Skywalker

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Og vi vender tilbage til fisketemaet. :wink:

Titel: Fisketuren
Forfatter: Lead/klon85/Lora
Disclaimer: I don't own star wars, yadda, yadda, yadda and so on and so forth. All belong to GL, who makes the money. Hail GL!

”Hjælp! Jeg bliver angrebet af et fiskenet!”
”Et fiskenet?” lyder det vantro.
”Ja, det sidder fast i min hjelm! Så hjælp mig dog, søn.”
”Ja, ja, jeg kommer nu; båden skal jo heller ikke kæntre, vel?” Luke får sig hen i den anden ende af båden uden at den vipper alt for meget.
”Forsigtig, Luke, forsigtig; pas på nettet ikke går i stykker!”
”Jeg er så forsigtig som jeg kan være,” kommer det nogenlunde roligt. ”Hvordan fik du overhovedet viklet nettet ind i din hjelm til at starte med?”
”Jeg sagde jo jeg blev angrebet,” knurrer Vader. Kraften ta' ham og alle hans spørgsmål. Hvem havde også givet ham alle de spørgsmål og sagt det var okay at sige dem højt?
”Det har du, far.”
”Ved mine vaders, hold op med at læse mine tanker, knægt!”
”Jeg øver mig jo bare i at bruge Kraften, far, som du har sagt jeg skal,” lyder det uskyldigt fra Luke.
Vader knurrer lidt, men siger ikke noget.
Luke går tilbage til hans egen ende af båden, og i et stykke tid kommer der ikke et ord fra nogen af dem. Det er tydeligt, at Vader stadig sidder og skumler over det med fiskenettet, i hvert fald for Luke, som kan føle det. For en udefra kommende vil det bare se ud, som om de er to personer, der sidder i behagelig stilhed og fisker midt ude på en af Naboos mange søer.
”Hov, jeg har bid!” kommer det fra Vader. ”Jeg har bid! Luke, så kom dog med nettet!”
Vader har rejst sig op og læner sig bagud for at få noget modvægt til fangsten. Båden vipper lidt faretruende, og Luke går forsigtigt mod midten af båden med fiskenettet i hånden.
”Far, pas nu på vi ikke tipper!” Luke vipper fra side til side for at modvirke bevægelserne Vaders kamp med fisken har startet.
”Der sker ikke noget, Luke. Vi skal bare ha' halet denne her indenbords.” Vader puster lidt, mens han haler endnu en gang. ”Stædige...dumme...fisk!”
”Er du sikker på den overhovedet kan være i båden?” Luke kigger ud over kanten for at se om han kan få øje på, hvad der end er bidt på.
”Sagtens,” kommer det selvsikkert fra Vader. ”Ellers må vi bare løfte den direkte ind på stranden med Kraften.”
Luke stirrer på ham. ”Du vil ha' vi skal løfte fisken ind på stranden herfra med Kraften?”
”Det er god øvelse, søn.” Vader hiver lidt i stangen igen. ”Vi skal bare lige ha' den op til overfladen først.”
Pludselig vipper båden voldsomt, da vandet bølger opad. I næste øjeblik kommer en kæmpe fisk til syne, da den nærmest springer hidsigt op af vandet.
”Argh! Hjælp, den æder os!”
”Vrøvl! Fang den, Luke, fang den! Inden den når at stikke af!”
Luke får med nød og næppe holdt sig i båden og skynder sig at række ud med Kraften. Det her er den største ting han endnu har prøvet, at løfte med Kraften og den bryder sig ikke om det.
”Far, tror du du kan give mig en hjælpende hånd?” lyder det anstrengt fra Luke.
”Hva', kan du ikke klare den smule fisk selv?”
”Nej! Hjælp mig eller jeg slipper den igen!”
Det får Vader til at springe på benene, og båden vipper igen faretruende. Han strækker hånden ud og begynder at hjælpe Luke med at holde fisken. Sammen får de den løftet helt op af vandet, hvor den stadig vrider sig voldsomt i protest.
”Og lad os så smide den fisk ind på land!”
”Smide den? Far, er du sikker på – ”
”På mit signal!”
”Jamen, du – ”
”NU!”
Vader kyler fisken afsted mod land alt hvad han kan, og Luke kan ikke gøre andet end at se hjælpeløst til, da Vader pludselig flyver afsted gennem luften efter fisken, da han stadig holder fast i fiskestangen.
”Sith også!” Luke ser måbende til da fisk og sith fyrste lander med det største plask få meter fra stranden. ”Far!” Luke kan ikke se hvad der blev af Vader. Han er da okay, ikk? Luke skynder sig, at tage fat i årerne og ro ind mod breden så hurtigt han kan.
En spruttende sith fyrste dukker op af vandet ved siden af kæmpefisken. ”Luke! Luke, vi fik den!” råber Vader triumferende.
”Far, er du okay?” lyder det bekymret fra Luke.
”Selvfølgelig, søn. Jeg har det helt perfekt. Hjælp mig nu med, at få den det sidste stykke ind på stranden. Jeg tror den blev slået ud, da den ramte bunden, så det kunne jo ikke være bedre!”
Luke er sikker på Vader storsmiler inde bag sin maske, at dømme ud fra hans tonefald. ”Ja, selvfølgelig...”
Luke hopper ud i vandet og sammen med Vader får de fisken løftet ind på stranden. (Med lidt hjælp fra Kraften).
Vader ligger stolt en hånd på Lukes skulder, som de står og kigger på deres fangst. ”Sikke et pragteksemplar. Og så er det endda kun en lille gubberfisk.”
Luke flytter sit blik fra fisken til sin far. ”Kalder du det for lille?!”
”Kom, lad os få den tilbage til hytten, så vi kan stege den!”
”Far, den kan ikke engang være i hytten!” Luke kunne ligeså godt ha' talt for døve ører. Vader har allerede smidt et reb om fiskens hale og er begyndt, at slæbe den hen over grænset, mens han nynner Imperial March.
Luke ser bare efter ham med et opgivende blik. Så trækker han på skuldrene og følger efter. Det var i hvert fald ikke kedeligt, at have en sith fyrste som far.
Senest Redigeret: 23-03-2010, 17:24:05 af Leia Skywalker

"We are Clone Squadron. Fanfic is our stock in trade, and Insanity is what we deliver." Reporter og initiativtager til WC - Wookiee Channel. "Med Livet Som Indsats!"
“What about the time we got drunk and you persuaded me to help you decorate the hull of the ‘Wild Karrde’ with Hutt swear-words?"